The B-Movie Team

If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them….maybe you can hire The A-Team. But I don’t remember them ever actually working for money…

I was looking for something to watch and somehow wound up with the modern vision of an all-time classic. It’s playing as we speak, which makes this a cry for help. Because it’s so bad.

So, so bad.

And it’s all the casting. These actors suck for these parts. I didn’t even realize Liam Neeson was in this thing, knowing it just makes me sad. And as Hannibal? Hannibal is a happy guy! Every week he sees a plan come together. Even on a good day, Liam Neeson still looks like he wants to stomp you for looking at his daughter. And Bradley Cooper as the Faceman is just as wrong as Katee Sackhoff as Starbuck. Both just have waaay too much depth going on. Dirk Benedict was peak 80’s, he was the Agassi of television. He looked good and he won. it was as simple as that. Cooper though just reeks of subtext. There’s too much there!

The other side of that is B.A. You just can’t replace Mr T. But after replacing Hannibal and Face with names, B.A. is just a hairdo. Which really is the better approach, but the difference is just a distraction here. Establishing his fear of flying was probably the one cool thing about the film, their tricking him into the air fifteen times afterwards was just one of the lamer things. And making him a prison convert is a reasonably clever angling for a PG13 rating, but if you’re gonna make a serious (lol) A-Team movie, you should be going balls-out for the R anyway.

The show sucked, but in a glorious kinda way.

The movie just sucked.